Thoughts flit in and out of my head for a time, wandering to and fro like addicts on a good trip. Lately, I've been thinking with contentment about aging.

Maybe because childhood was not all it was cracked up to be... I enjoy being an adult who essentially makes all the same decisions I always have about my life but now actually has the authority to carry them out. In some ways I feel I have always carried the mantle of adulthood but now have all the privileges as well. And I'm not just talking about eating ice cream for dinner. I'm talking about critically searching the world without and the world within to truly discover my own character and a spirit that identifies with some things and categorically rejects the rest. I'm talking about choices that don't always make you happier, but inevitably make you wiser. I'm talking about coming face to face with your own mortality, and discovering you have a chronic illness that impacts every day.

I have little laugh lines around my eyes, my hands are wider and more calloused. I want to sleep at 9.30 pm. I am in love. My feet ache at the end of a long day. I own sensible shoes. I wear looser clothing even though I have a better body. I definitely lose the "pencil" test. I am loved.

I like this thing called adulthood. Even though the heartache is more intense, so are the joys.